The shower
8 STEPS · NO WORDS NEEDED
Nobody has ever read the back of a soap packet. Here's what it should have said.
A bar of soap is not complicated, but almost everyone is losing half of one to a puddle in the dish. This is the method every score on this site is built on. Same order, same water, same drying, eleven bars deep.
Water on
Warm, not scalding. Hot water strips the skin and makes every bar score worse than it deserves.
MOVES THE SKIN SCORE
Wet the bar
Not the flannel, not your hands. Bar first, under the water, until the surface goes glassy.
Work up the lather
A bag beats bare hands every time. More foam, less waste, and the stub of the last bar goes in with it.
BAG OPTIONAL, BUT IT WINS
Top down
Shoulders, chest, back, then legs. Gravity does the rinsing for you and you don't wash the same bit twice.
The bits you miss
Behind the ears, the small of the back, between the toes. Everyone skips all three, then blames the soap.
Rinse it all off
Longer than feels necessary. Residue left on the skin is what people mistake for a drying bar.
MOVES THE SKIN SCORE
Stand it on its edge
The single biggest thing you can do. A bar lying flat in a puddle dies in half the time, and that is where value is won or lost.
MOVES THE LASTS SCORE
Log it before you forget
Five numbers, thirty seconds, still half asleep. A score written at lunchtime is a score you've made up.
The order
Top to bottom, one pass. The point isn't hygiene theatre. A repeatable order is what makes eleven bars comparable to each other.
- 1Head and neckShampoo bar if you're using one45s
- 2Shoulders and chestFirst contact for the bar30s
- 3TorsoFront, then round the sides30s
- 4Arms and handsBoth, properly, including wrists30s
- 5BackThe bag earns its money here30s
- 6LegsWhere the lather runs out first30s
- 7FeetLast, and between the toes25s
Times are what the man actually takes, not a target. Nobody is checking.
The four-minute shower
Not a rule, just what the routine above adds up to. The lathering is the short bit; the rinsing is where people cut corners.
Common faults
The bar has gone to mush
It's sitting in its own runoff. A flat dish with no drainage will halve the life of anything on this site, including the 9.6.
ON EDGE
Barely any lather
Usually the bar isn't wet enough, or it's being rubbed straight onto dry skin. Wet the bar first, build the foam, then apply.
FIRST
Skin feels tight afterwards
Nine times out of ten it's the water temperature or an incomplete rinse, not the soap. Test both before you blame the bar.
RINSE MORE
A slimy film in the dish
Normal, and not worth a hygiene panic. Rinse it out when you rinse the bath. Some bars do it more than others and it shows up in their score.
You bought the fourteen quid bar anyway
It happens. Score it honestly, put it on the shelf, and let the numbers do the arguing.
ANYWAY
AN HONEST ASIDE
All of the above assumes the shower is the easy part. For some people it isn't. The structure is the climb, not the soap.
If that's you, the squad might be worth a look. A daily prompt, one small thing to log, a few other people doing the same thing on the same morning. Nobody marking your card.
Join the squad →Four things off the man's own shelf go in a box, £15 plus postage. The stock decides which four.